Well, I’ve got several in a drawer in my kitchen. But if you REALLY need one now, may I suggest Baller Hardware on Hyperion? They have a wide selection and a hilarious name.
Also, I REFUSE TO ANSWER THIS NON-SEQUITUR QUESTION WITH ANYTHING BUT HELPFUL SINCERITY!
Tonight marks the start of the annual comedy freak out that is the UCB Harold team auditions. I thought, since it’s on people’s minds, I’d repost what I wrote about auditions last year.
A couple other things I’d add that might be of use in your audition…
- Call it out. Whatever you think “it” might be, call it out. If your scene partner does something weird, name it. If something seems like an unusual point of view, ask your scene partner “Why?” If you’re the unusual one, find a way to name exactly what you’re doing.
- Justify, justify, justify. It’s not what you do in the scene, but why you do it. If you have a clear philosophy behind what your character is doing, the rest of the scene will be much easier.
- I said it last year, but it bears repeating. Be yourself and trust 100% in what YOU think is funny. Something happens in a scene that you think is funny? Great. Embrace that and make the scene/game about that. All we want is to see you a: do solid scenework and b: do what strikes your sense of humor. If you have fun up there, that’s the absolutely best impression that you can make.
Best of luck to everyone! And if you have any questions about this whole thing, just ask!
(Oh, and also… sorry for the fact that the audition room will probably smell like sandwiches.)
Because this — this idea that Jonathan Martin is a weakling for seeking emotional help — this is some room-temperature faux-macho alpha-pansy nonsense, and I am here to beat it bloody and leave it on the ground…
Look at it this way: No one thought Joe Theismann was soft for leaving the game when his leg was hanging sideways. Sometimes the brain goes sideways, and when that happens, “brave” or “cowardly” shouldn’t even come into it. Seeking help is just the practical thing to do.
Great Grantland article on the Jonathan Martin/Richie Incognito mess in Miami and the NFL’s severe problem with mental health issues and the very concept for asking for help. Between this and the ongoing concussion issues, the league desperately needs to be reminded that its players are human beings.
So, you’ve committed to writing an anxious and hand-wringing newspaper column about the State of Millennials. Congratulations!…
First, establish a connection with your readers through the use of common, vapid tropes about spoiled young people refusing to work because they just don’t want to. “A generation of idle trophy kids” is a perfectly cast headline for your purposes. “A millennial in the basement” reference in the first sentence and an “amiable, tech-savvy, yet minimally employable crop of Americans who will ultimately need more subsidies than a dairy farmer” in the second? This is a good way to preview your careful analysis of underemployment.
From The Atlantic’s “How to Write the Worst Possible Column About Millennials.”
I truly despise every one of the bumper crop of “OH NO! Millennials are so terrible!” articles that have been popping up for the last few years. Articles where the author tut tuts the younger generation for their time spent online and “why don’t they MAKE anything” and GASP being different than what he or she, the author, thinks they should be. It’s lazy, lazy journalism and even lazier, factless social commentary, refusing to acknowledge all the ways the world itself is different from whatever halcyon, golden hued adolescence the supposed journalist is pining for. And for that reason, I found this article to be great.